10 Ways to Practice Self-Love and Be Your Own Best Friend

This is when I learned the difference between saying I love myself and actually loving myself. True self-love is not a declaration; it is a practice.

And there wasn’t much loving practice happening.

Fast forward to today. While my practice isn’t perfect (but that’s the truth for everyone everywhere), I’m loving on myself these days. And it definitely makes life better.

1// Get to know yourself.

While I completely believe in unconditional love, and certainly strive to love myself no matter what, it helps to know who you’re loving. It gives you bits and pieces to love even more, and it shines the light on what you can do to show your love.

When you know your deepest values, you can consciously act in alignment with those values. This is a very loving thing to do.

When you know your strengths, you can be proud of them and create opportunities to flex your (character trait) muscles. This is a very loving thing to do.

When you know your dreams, you can turn them into goals, and then you can work toward them, and then you can reach them. This is a very, very loving thing to do! (Supporting someone to achieve her dreams is one of the most loving things you can do in the world.)

The FREE Inner Journey 10-Day Challenge guides you through discovering your values, strengths, dreams, and some other invaluable bits of knowledge. After this challenge, you will be aware and empowered and fully loaded to show yourself some love!

2// Listen to your inner voice.

Honestly, this one can be tricky. Sometimes it’s hard to even hear your inner voice, and other times it’s difficult to discern between your inner voice and the other voices (please tell me I’m not the only one with multiple voices). 

The way I’ve learned to tell the difference is that my inner voice isn’t actually a voice. It’s more of an inner knowing, an inner expansive feeling radiating out from my heart, that is in sync with a voice. Sometimes there’s an urgency to this feeling, and sometimes it fills me with equal parts excitement and fear.

Sometimes, it is silent. Don’t worry; you’re not abandoned. Consider it an “as-needed” situation; your inner voice will fill you in when it’s time. (Trust is another wonderful self-love practice.)

How does your inner voice speak to you? It helps to get quiet and still when you’re first learning to listen.

Gabby Bernstein shares a lot about inner wisdom and is a fantastic resource, including this article on how to know the difference between ego and intuition. Marie Forleo does a lot of inner work, and she has a video about three ways to tap into your inner voice. I admire and trust both these women!

3// Speak kindly to yourself.

This was the big giveaway that while I may have claimed self-love, I certainly wasn’t treating myself with love. You are pathetic! You are pointless! These are the sentiments I most often heard declared in my head.

One day, I learned to talk back. 

“Nope, I’m not. I make mistakes, but I’m not pathetic.” 

“It feels like I’m not making much of a contribution at the moment, but that doesn’t make me pointless.” 

And the nasty voices got quieter and quieter.

Choose kind, compassionate, and caring words when you speak to yourself. 

4// Accept ALL of you.

Unconditional love is lofty. It’s good in theory, but challenging in practice. It’s a worthy goal, but few of us have achieved it.

But where we can’t find love, we can find acceptance.

I may not love my thighs, but I can accept them as part of my body (and a very useful part, might I add). I may not love every choice I’ve made, but I can accept them and acknowledge that I was doing the best I could with what I knew at the time.

Part of loving yourself includes accepting the bits that you don’t love (yet). 

Tara Brach’s book, Radical Acceptance, is a great resource for exploring acceptance; it’s about accepting and embracing your life, which certainty includes you!

5// Forgive yourself— and others.

We all make mistakes. We’re human. We’re all also doing the best we can with what we know. Maya Angelou said, “Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it.”

Forgive yourself for not having all the answers. Forgive yourself for not doing everything perfectly. Forgive yourself for containing flaws. Every single human is uncertain, imperfect, and flawed. 

Forgiving others is part of self-love. Why? Because when you’re carrying around a grudge, you’re carrying around a hard, bitter seed that’s sprouting anger within you. That’s not self-loving. Toss out those bitter seeds. You want to be sprouting sweet seeds of love instead! (Note: Forgiveness does NOT equal no boundaries. Keep those toxic people in check.)

6// Take care of your body, mind, and soul.

Self-care is part of self-love. I compare it to caring for our children or pets. Are we going to feed our children a diet of Pop-Tarts and Coca-Cola? Are we going to keep our dogs confined in cages? Heck, no! We’re going to feed our children broccoli and bring our dogs outside for exercise. We’re going to do everything we can to keep them happy and healthy.

It’s the same for you. Treating yourself with love means taking care of your body, mind, and soul. In Limitless Love, I walk you through creating a self-care compass that honors your preferences while pointing you toward the different areas of self-care. Get the free PDF here.

7// Play and have fun.

Let yourself enjoy life! With all our responsibilities and roles, it’s easy to forget that the purpose of life is to enjoy it. We are meant to do things that make us feel good. And nothing feels better than playing!

Play is any activity done purely for the joy of it. (Purpose or achievement might be a by-product, but you would do this activity even without it.) Traveling, creating, and reading are some of my favorite ways to play. Notice: It might not look like play, in the traditional sense, but if you’re having fun for the sake of fun, you’re playing.

And then, of course, there’s the silly kind of play that induces laughter and glee. It makes me smile just thinking about it! Throwing a ball with a dog, building blocks with my nephew, dancing with friends… Need some playful inspiration? Check out 50 Fun Ideas to Spark Joy & Enjoy Life.

Learn more about the benefits of play, discover your dominant play personality, and lots more in How to Have Fun.

8// Create meaningful connections.

Yes, self-love is important. But love and belonging from others is important, too. These connections give us courage to follow our dreams, support us during difficult times, and celebrate our successes. In short, meaningful connections amplify everything in our life and make it better.

Relationships are addendums to our own love, extensions that enhance and enrich our lives. And they are necessary for our mental and emotional health— loneliness is the central cause of depression and despair.

Brene Brown, one of my biggest mentors (even if she doesn’t know it), wrote an incredible book about vulnerability, but to me it’s really all about our relationships with others. Daring Greatly forever changed the way I look at connection.

9// Improve your wellbeing.

You aren’t here to survive; you’re here to thrive. And there are so many things you can do to improve and increase your overall contentment and satisfaction with life. 

Your wellbeing is built on a foundation of five pillars: positive emotion, engagement, relationships, meaning, and accomplishment. Recent research has also included nutrition, sleep, exercise, and optimism as major factors affecting your wellbeing.

Wellbeing is a rabbit hole! Seriously, you could study this forever, and there would always be more to learn. 

Here are few gems that make the biggest and best impact:

• Be grateful.
• Be kind.
• Choose goals that align with your values.
• Communicate effectively.
• Build good habits.

Martin Seligman is the founder of positive psychology, and he introduces the concept of wellbeing in Flourish. It’s a good place to start!

10// Treat yourself like a best friend.

Ask yourself, Would I say this to my best friend? Would I do this to my best friend? Would I let this happen to my best friend?

If the answer is no, don’t let it happen to you!

Speak to yourself with love and respect. Listen to yourself with empathy. Act with compassion. Learn your love language— and then use it (I was blown away when I realized that I didn’t need to wait around for someone else to show me love). Be generous. Set boundaries. Make healthy choices.

The truth is, you should be your own best friend (and I use the word “should” very sparingly). The truth is, you deserve nothing less.