Don’t know how to have fun anymore? Forgot how to enjoy life? No worries; you’re not alone! Most people have been taught the misguided idea that having fun and playing is a waste of time, and there’s no space for something so frivolous in our serious, adult lives. Wrong!

Humans are meant to play.

Permission to Have Fun!

First things first: You deserve to have fun in your life! You are WORTHY and DESERVING of a fun and playful life simply because you are human.

PERMISSION TO PLAY

PERMISSION TO LOOK AND ACT SILLY

PERMISSION TO ENJOY YOURSELF AND HAVE FUN

And if the fact that you deserve to enjoy your life isn’t enough, taking time to play has so many other wonderful (and useful) benefits!

4 Reasons to Have Fun

1// Fun is NOT frivolous.

Many adults see fun as a waste of time, frivolous, or immature. There’s no time for fun because we must be busy earning money, paying bills, cleaning the house, and engaging in other adult activities (said in a stern, disapproving voice). 

Or, we’ll have fun later— AFTER we reach the pinnacle of success or retirement (whichever comes first). 

I call bullsh*t. And so do the researchers— ha!

Research shows that having fun…

Increases your productivity at work.

Improves your health.

Enhances your relationships.

In addition, we are most persistent, creative, and flexible when we’re engaged in activities that we consider fun.

Martha Beck, author of Finding Your Own North Star says, “Fun is not a diversion from a successful life; it is the pathway to it.”

2// Following your joy leads to a purposeful life.

Fun activities are not a frivolous indulgence, my dear. The activities that bring you the most joy are a map to your true life. Martha Beck calls these activities your “funprint.” And your funprint is your “instruction manual for your essential purpose, written in the language of joy.” This truth sounds so beautifully poetic to me that I just want to say it again:

Your purpose is written in the language of joy.

And it also makes a lot of sense. Honestly, what is the point of all the goal-setting and effort and achievement if you’re not enjoying life??? None of it matters if you’re miserable.

3// Fun is vital to wholehearted living.

Brené Brown writes about wholehearted living in her book, The Gifts of Imperfection. Wholehearted adults are those with the courage to live their lives fully; they don’t hold back who they are or what they desire. Brené writes, “A critically important component of wholehearted living is play.” These seemingly purposeless activities are “as essential to our health and functioning as rest.” 

When we value control and productivity over letting our goofy, playful selves shine through, we block ourselves from living authentic lives. We prevent ourselves from living full, wholehearted lives. And what a loss that would be— for ourselves, but also for everyone around us.

4// Fun brings more fun.

Quantum physics proves that we get more of whatever we put out into the universe. Misery brings more misery. Fun brings more fun. If you’re a skeptic (and that’s okay), why not experiment with the idea? Choose to spend more time having fun, and see what life brings you… 

Fun is the freakin’ roadmap to living a purposeful life. 

How to Add More Fun to Your Life

1// Revisit Childhood.

Genetic research suggests that our fun preferences remain consistent throughout our life. Childhood is where most of us are free to explore and express how we have fun, so it’s a good place to look for what Martha Beck calls our “funprint.”

Think about what you did as a child that made you excited and filled you with joy. 

I remember being creative was a favorite pastime: I loved doing craft projects, writing stories, building forts, imaginating my siblings and I were magical beings on adventures. As a teenager, creativity endured through drawing, photography, and poetry. 

These are all clues that creativity is a really big source of fun for me and something that belongs in my adult life as well (and I can definitely say that I’ve felt better since getting back into it).

Are versions of your most fun and joyful childhood activities present in your adult life? If not, what’s standing in the way? A belief that play is a waste of time or a perceived lack of time? (Remember that having fun is good for you, and there is choice and freedom in how you spend the minutes of the day.) How can you bring some fun back into your life?

2// Keep a Joy Journal.

Everyday, keep a list of your activities. Give each experience a “fun score” (0 = “no fun” and 10 = “fun-tastic”). After a week or two, you’ll begin to see which people and activities bring the most fun— and it might be surprising! Maybe you’d expect a night out dancing with friends to be the most fun, but you discover that movie and popcorn night with your bestie earned more fun points. This insight will help you choose which activities to prioritize and which activities are best done rarely or not at all.

3// Be YOU.

When we’re trying to fit in by doing what the people around us find fun or what society deems fun, then we may discover that we’re doing everything other than having fun.

The truth is, there are many ways of having fun, and what you find fun might not be what your family, friends, or colleagues find fun, too.

Going out to bars and drinking is considered fun by many, and it took me a long time to admit that it’s not my kind of fun. I enjoy meeting up for a cocktail or live music from time to time, but if I did this every weekend, I would be miserable. And it took me a long time to realize that this didn’t make me NOT fun— it meant I was fun in other ways. Another way to say it: me and my fun are not everyone’s cup of tea— and that’s okay.

If your idea of a great Friday night is reading a book in bed, OWN IT. If your idea of a great vacation is skipping the Eiffel Tower and spending your afternoons in quaint cafes, DO IT.

Follow what feels fun to you.

However you have fun, you are not alone. You just need to find your tribe (or unapologetically enjoy your quiet night home alone, if that’s your thing— it’s often mine).

And honestly, how many other people are doing things they don’t enjoy simply to fit in or “look fun”? Be you, and maybe you’ll give others the courage to follow.

4// Have Fun in Everything You Do.

You can add more fun to life just by choosing to have fun all the time! Here’s one strategy for enjoying ANY situation:

Step 1: Write a list of everything you enjoy doing.

Spend a few minutes jotting down everything that’s fun for you. It’s important to write them down because you’ll need to look at your list for the next step.

Step 2: Figure out what those activities allow you to experience. 

You’re not actually enjoying that activity, you’re enjoying an experience that happens as a result of the activity. 

For example, I enjoy eating at different restaurants because tasting new foods is exciting for me. I enjoy traveling to foreign countries because visiting new places is exciting for me. I enjoy listening to podcasts because learning new things is exciting for me. In all of these activities that I enjoy, trying something new is the core experience.

This example is just to illustrate a core experience, but your list will likely have more than one core experience. My list also includes creating/crafting and connecting with others.

Look over your list. What are the core experiences that you enjoy? 

Step 3: Bring your core experience with you.

Wherever you find yourself, look for how you can make your core experience a part of it. At work, you can explore new approaches to a problem. At a dinner party, you can initiate meaningful conversation with someone who seems interesting to you. At the airport, you can pass the time with a coloring book.

Wherever you are, fun can follow.

Ditch Fake Fun for the Real Deal

Fun is fun, right? Actually, not really.

My first memory of learning that not all fun is created equal is hearing the adults scold, “It’s all fun and games until someone loses an eye!” Meaning: Stop that nonsense before one of y’all gets hurt!

As adults, we still need to be careful, or we’ll find ourselves engaged in a “fun” activity that’s actually not fun at all.

5 Signs It’s Fake Fun

1// Fake fun is an escape from real problems.

I’m pretty sure it’s a fact that in the United States (and many other countries) adults drink for fun. It’s a great way to get together and socialize and… escape from reality. We drown our sorrows and struggles in margaritas and beer.

I am not advocating for prohibition. Sometimes I like a glass of wine, and sometimes I like one too many mimosas. But there’s drinking for real pleasure, and there’s drinking for escape. 

Enjoying a glass of wine with a friend, talking about your struggles, offering each other encouragement and support— that’s a face-your-problems-together type of fun.

Drinking whiskey until you’re comfortably numb— that’s an escape. And not the good kind (like abandoning routine for a week on a tropical vacation). That’s running away from your problems and never looking back.

Anything that is done so you don’t have to face your fears, your struggles, your challenges… that’s not real fun. I’m sorry. I know there’s a part of us that really likes that kind of fun. I personally prefer another time-honored tradition— escape through eating. Otherwise known as emotional eating. Especially when I’m stressed, I reach for candy bars and cookies. But guys, we’re not dealing with our issues when we do this. And if you’re anything like me, it’s not even that fun— and often makes you feel even worse.

Sounds totally crazy, but please believe me when I say that real enjoyment comes from having the courage and the vulnerability and the confidence to sit with our struggles and actually figure that shit out.

Real fun is facing problems— not escaping them.

2// Fake fun is boring.

Anything, no matter how much fun, is going to eventually get boring if you do it long enough. I absolutely love to travel, but after nine months of backpacking… I was more than ready to sleep in a familiar place again. I had surpassed my fun limit. And I got bored. Which is a sad thing to say when you’re privileged enough to be backpacking around Europe.

But too much of anything just loses its appeal and stops feeling fun. Even I, with an incredibly large appetite for cookies, will grow tired of them if I just keep on eating. (I know! You didn’t think it was possible!)

Sounds obvious, but it’s tricky. Are you aware enough to stop when you reach the point that something fun starts to fall flat? Do you know when to call it a night and go home? Or save the rest of the ice cream for tomorrow? Or just walk away from the shoe department?

Too much of a good thing— it’s true.

3// Fake fun is insatiable.

Have you ever just wanted more, more, more of something? A thirst, a burning desire… like whatever you have, it isn’t enough? 

That’s the “fun” of achievement.

If you have an insatiable need for more and more of something— whether it’s fancy handbags or prestigious awards— then you’re probably not reaching for joy— you’re trying to fill a void. Eek.

But knowing this is a good thing! Then we can start asking ourselves, What void am I trying to fill? What’s missing in my life?

And getting that will be SO much more fun. I promise.

Real fun is getting what we really need— not a never ending quest for something that never truly satisfies.

4// Fake fun is filled with regrets.

Anyone else having flashbacks to high school? Where do I begin…

Something that seems fun in the moment, but also seems likely we’ll regret— it’s just NOT fun.

Mean tricks on an unknowing victim, a fourth pitcher of sangria (for two), sliding down the stairs on a mattress— oh wait, I didn’t regret that. But I did regret buying all those brightly colored spices at the gypsy market in Spain and realizing I spent close to $40 on them. (I just thought of another saying: It’s all fun and games— until you have to pay.)

It’s not always so easy to anticipate what we’ll regret the next day or even later in life, but it would be in our best interest to try.

Real fun creates fun memories. Fake fun, not so much.

5// Fake fun makes everyone feel worse.

Gossip. Teasing. Putting other ladies down to make ourselves feel better. Except it doesn’t. Not really.

Making others feel bad does not make us feel good. Sure, maybe for a moment. Maybe when you’re all caught up in the group slandering.

But this isn’t an empowering sort of fun, ladies. This is a desperate, scared, I’ll-say-anything-to-feel-better-about-myself type of fun. Which isn’t actually fun at all. It’s crappy. It’s mean. It’s beneath us.

Whether the person we’re badmouthing is there to hear it or not, everyone is left feeling worse afterward.

We are better than this, and we deserve better than this. We deserve real fun! Fun that makes everyone feel better. Fun like lifting each other up with compliments and celebration. Fun like putting our energy toward conversation that inspires and supports each other.

Real fun makes everyone feel better— not worse.

Don’t Forget to Play

When you hear the word “play,” you probably think of activities like board games, flag football, and ping pong. Play isn’t a certain type of activity; however, play is a state of mind.

Play happens whenever you’re engaged in an enjoyable activity without any self-consciousness or sense of time passing. You’re playing when an activity is done purely for fun— you have no other purpose. (The activity might have purpose, but that’s not the reason you’re doing it.)

Many things we consider play might have qualities of work— self-critical, perfectionistic, preoccupied. If I’m doing cartwheels in the grass but worrying what the other people in the park think of me, then I’m not actually playing.

And what might seem like work to many people is a form of play for others. Someone I know is building a boat during his free time, but that just sounds like a lot of work to me. 

Some activities fall under the guise of play, but aren’t actually play at all. Teasing can be fun and form social bonding, but an underlying motive to hurt or humiliate someone means it isn’t done purely for fun, and therefore, is not actually play. Anything with an intent to dominate or demean someone is NOT play.

Choose Your Own Adventure: 50 Ways to Play

Looking for some inspiration? I gathered lots of my favorite playful ideas into one convenient list. 

Here’s one of my favorites:

Create business cards that say, “You are incredible and wonderful and have made my day even better. Thank you!” Hand them out generously.

Excited to play? I’ll send you the entire list! Get 50 Ideas to Spark Joy & Enjoy Life

What’s Your “Heart Play?”?

“Heart play” is a term created by Barbara Brannen to describe the kind of play that speaks to your heart and soul. Heart play is the kind of play that you want to make sure makes a regular appearance in your life.

What type of play speaks to your heart and soul? If you’re not sure, this may help… 

Discover Your “Play Personality”

Dr. Stuart Brown, author of Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, determined there are eight different “play personalities.” Most of us are a mix of these play personalities, but we tend to have a dominant play preference.

1// Artist/creator

Artists/creators enjoy making things. It can be something artistic or practical, something beautiful or silly. Making includes inventing and fixing things.

2// Collector

Collectors enjoy having the most, the best, or the most interesting collection. Collections can be objects or experiences. Anything and everything, from feathers to passport stamps, is fair game.

3// Competitor

Competitors enjoy games with specific rules, and you play to win. The game can be solitary or social. Games can be actively participated in or observed as a fan. Either way, you aim for #1.

4// Director

Directors enjoy planning and executing scenes and events. You might not realize it, but you love the power that comes from being in charge. Organizing comes naturally to you.

5// Explorer

Explorers like exploring the world around them. Exploring can be literally traveling to new places, but it can also be emotional or mental.

6// Joker

Jokers are all about making people laugh. You have the most fun engaging in nonsense and foolishness. Maybe you were the class clown in school? As an adult, you find practical jokes hilarious.

7// Kinesthete

Kinesthetes like to move. You love the feel of moving your body. While you might participate in organized sports, your main focus isn’t the competition— it’s an opportunity for you to move.

8// Storyteller

Storytellers are all about imagination. You create stories, but you also enjoy hearing them (and even make yourself part of the story). With your imagination, you can bring play to almost any activity.

How to Work AND Have Fun

Life doesn’t need to be all work and no play. Life doesn’t even need to be work and play. Working and playing can— and should— happen at the same time.

This doesn’t mean work will be all play. Most activities enjoy some elements that we don’t like so much— even fun activities. Lots of people enjoy camping, but they don’t like packing the car or setting up the tent.

But just like camping is mostly a good time, work is best when it’s mostly fun. Play definitely deserves a place at work.

5 Benefits of Playing at Work

1. Play makes it more exciting.
2. Play helps us deal with challenges.
3. Play promotes mastery of our craft.
4. Play supports creative thinking.
5. Play decreases anxiety (which increases productivity).

Playing at work may mean joking around, but it can also be friendly competition, or even your own private game that’s yours alone (maybe you’re a reverse Superman, and your superhero qualities emerge while wearing your business suit).

Playing at work is all fun and good, but the absolute best way to play at work is when…

Play is the work itself.

The work that you’ll find most fulfilling will be an extension of how you played as a child, building upon what you’ve always done for pure enjoyment. The most fulfilling work is when you’re still playing.

2 Benefits to Work that IS Play

1. It fuels innovation. When we approach challenges with curiosity and a sense of play, we’re much more open to unexpected findings and inspired discoveries.
2. It fuels mastery. We reach mastery when we’re driven by passion, fun, and play.

True play is the path to finding lasting joy and satisfaction in your work.

The Opposite of Play is NOT Work

Clearly, if work is best when it IS play, then work is not the opposite of play. So what is? Depression.

When we are buried under a mountain of responsibilities and obligations, we lose our sense of liveliness and being in the moment. We are not truly alive if we’re moving from one task to the next to the next without having any fun.

When we go without play for too long, we will look at our lives and wonder, “Is this all there is?” This is a very despairing question, full of hopelessness and disempowerment. It speaks to a void, an emptiness in life, a dark place.

The answer, of course, is, “NO!” We can choose to play.

Have Fun in Your Relationship

Play is a necessary part of any healthy, satisfying relationship. Within a relationship, play is about more than feeling good; it’s sharing a lightheartedness and playfulness toward life and toward each other. This builds intimacy and creates a cheerful framework for handling stressful situations.

Play within a relationship includes stepping out of your normal routine, exploring novelty, and embracing a little risk. The familiar is fun, but it’s venturing out into new territory together that really brings couples together.

Plus, a playful personality is VERY attractive.

 

Enjoy Life. Have fun. Play.

You deserve it.