Ditch Fake Fun for the Real Deal

How to Spot Fake Fun

 

Fake fun is an escape from real problems.

I’m pretty sure it’s a fact that in the United States (and many other countries) adults drink for fun. It’s a great way to get together and socialize and… escape from reality. We drown our sorrows and struggles in margaritas and beer.

I am not advocating for prohibition. Sometimes I like a glass of wine, and sometimes I like one too many mimosas. But there’s drinking for real pleasure, and there’s drinking for escape. 

Enjoying a glass of wine with a friend, talking about your struggles, offering each other encouragement and support— that’s a face-your-problems-together type of fun.

Drinking whiskey until you’re comfortably numb— that’s an escape. And not the good kind (like abandoning routine for a week on a tropical vacation). That’s running away from your problems and never looking back.

Anything that is done so you don’t have to face your fears, your struggles, your challenges… that’s not real fun. I’m sorry. I know there’s a part of us that really likes that kind of fun. I personally prefer another time-honored tradition— escape through eating. Otherwise known as emotional eating. Especially when I’m stressed, I reach for candy bars and cookies. But guys, we’re not dealing with our issues when we do this. And if you’re anything like me, it’s not even that fun— and often makes you feel even worse.

Sounds totally crazy, but please believe me when I say that real enjoyment comes from having the courage and the vulnerability and the confidence to sit with our struggles and actually figure that shit out.

Real fun is facing problems— not escaping them.

Fake fun is boring.

Anything, no matter how much fun, is going to eventually get boring if you do it long enough. I absolutely love to travel, but after nine months of backpacking… I was more than ready to sleep in a familiar place again. I had surpassed my fun limit. And I got bored. Which is a sad thing to say when you’re privileged enough to be backpacking around Europe.

But too much of anything just loses its appeal and stops feeling fun. Even I, with an incredibly large appetite for cookies, will grow tired of them if I just keep on eating. (I know! You didn’t think it was possible!)

Sounds obvious, but it’s tricky. Are you aware enough to stop when you reach the point that something fun starts to fall flat? Do you know when to call it a night and go home? Or save the rest of the ice cream for tomorrow? Or just walk away from the shoe department?

Too much of a good thing— it’s true.

Fake fun is insatiable.

Have you ever just wanted more, more, more of something? A thirst, a burning desire… like whatever you have, it isn’t enough? 

That’s the “fun” of achievement.

If you have an insatiable need for more and more of something— whether it’s fancy handbags or prestigious awards— then you’re probably not reaching for joy— you’re trying to fill a void. Eek.

But knowing this is a good thing! Then we can start asking ourselves, What void am I trying to fill? What’s missing in my life?

And getting that will be SO much more fun. I promise.

Real fun is getting what we really need—

not a never ending quest for something that never truly satisfies.

Fake fun is filled with regrets.

Anyone else having flashbacks to high school? Where do I begin…

Something that seems fun in the moment, but also seems likely we’ll regret— it’s just NOT fun.

Mean tricks on an unknowing victim, a fourth pitcher of sangria (for two), sliding down the stairs on a mattress— oh wait, I didn’t regret that. But I did regret buying all those brightly colored spices at the gypsy market in Spain and realizing I spent close to $40 on them. (I just thought of another saying: It’s all fun and games— until you have to pay.)

It’s not always so easy to anticipate what we’ll regret the next day or even later in life, but it would be in our best interest to try.

Real fun creates fun memories. Fake fun, not so much.

Fake fun makes everyone feel worse.

Gossip. Teasing. Putting other ladies down to make ourselves feel better. Except it doesn’t. Not really.

Making others feel bad does not make us feel good. Sure, maybe for a moment. Maybe when you’re all caught up in the group slandering.

But this isn’t an empowering sort of fun, ladies. This is a desperate, scared, I’ll-say-anything-to-feel-better-about-myself type of fun. Which isn’t actually fun at all. It’s crappy. It’s mean. It’s beneath us.

Whether the person we’re badmouthing is there to hear it or not, everyone is left feeling worse afterward.

We are better than this, and we deserve better than this. We deserve real fun! Fun that makes everyone feel better. Fun like lifting each other up with compliments and celebration. Fun like putting our energy toward conversation that inspires and supports each other.

Real fun makes everyone feel better— not worse.

Wow, I didn’t realize when writing about fun that I’d be feeling a little… down afterward. It really hit home how much time we spend having fun THAT ISN’T ACTUALLY FUN.

I’m feeling a little stupid for not having more awareness and intelligence. But I can invoke a little self-love because I’m probably not alone in this. Probably not the only one who has consumed alcohol to escape, eaten cookies way past when they tasted delicious, and been the “mean girl.”

The good thing is, switching gears and choosing real fun is pretty easy. We can start making these changes today. (Except maybe the cookies….)